Midnight

the clock struck midnight last night...
My back is against a wall Im fighting with myself
My head, heart, and stomach all hurt. I can feel my heart beat in my face. I can feel my blood pressure starting to rise. Im shaking for some unknown reason. Not to sound weak but I hate this. I can do nothing but ride this feeling out. It comes and goes when I'm going through a "change". I keep things close to meet that are items of strength, trying to harden my resolve. I know I'm far better then I was, but I still can't stand this. Feeling as if I'm not getting where I want to be fast enough. Feeling like I'm alone and hating it, even though I chose this for my self. By NO means am I weak. Im just fighting myself for control over my own being. Nothing And NO ONE will stop me from getting where I want to be.
Don't read this and think im sad, or depressed....I'm not.Things are just coming into view about my life and who I have in it.